“GO FK YOURSELF, CBS!”: JON STEWART LEADS CHOIR REVOLT ON LIVE TV AS LATE-NIGHT HOSTS STAGE OUTRAGEOUS BROADCAST WALKOUT OVER COLBERT CANCELLATION**

“This Isn’t Just A Show — It’s A War On Joy!” Stewart Screams, While Lin-Manuel Miranda Hugs Weird Al and Anderson Cooper Kisses a Puppet. Chaos Ensues. Ratings Soar.

In what can only be described as a Broadway-meets-bar-fight fever dream, late-night television imploded Monday night after The Late Show returned without its rightful heir, Stephen Colbert — and instead with a choir of enraged comics and a level of network-blasting rarely seen outside of a roast or a scorched-earth breakup album.

Jon Stewart, allegedly “just there to guest host,” opened the segment with a smirk, a flamethrower, and the quiet rage of a thousand canceled sketch writers. “CBS — or should I say, Corporate Bland Soup — thinks it can ax Colbert like he’s some over-budget intern who misfiled a latte order,” Stewart sneered. “Well guess what? That’s not late-night. That’s late-stage capitalism.”

Then came the real kicker.

Stephen Colbert Hijacks Viral Coldplay Kiss Cam Meme to Trash CBS

With a full gospel choir behind him, Jon belted — no, exorcised — a Broadway-style finale titled “Go F**k Yourself,” directed at CBS, Paramount Global, and anyone who had ever pitched a three-camera sitcom as a form of penance.

“And if you believe,” Stewart bellowed through harmonies and confetti cannons, “you can serve a gruel so flavorless that you’ll never be noticed again — then WHY THE F**K ARE YOU EVEN ON TV?!”

Coldplay kiss cam video: Stephen Colbert taps Fallon, Meyers, more

#ColbertGate immediately began trending on social media, alongside #ChoirForColbert, #JonStewartUncensored, and the mysteriously poetic #TheBoyKingHatesJoy.

But the night was just getting started.

In what appeared to be a totally unapproved sketch (read: no legal team present), Lin-Manuel Miranda took the stage in a rhinestone NASA suit to parody disgraced CEO Andy Byron’s infamous hot mic meltdown. “We orbit joy,” he declared, twirling dramatically before launching into a Coldplay medley led by — wait for it — Weird Al Yankovic on accordion.

Then the camera panned to a faux “Kiss Cam” featuring:

John Oliver kissing a taxidermied fox while whispering, “This is more ethical than half your boardroom.”
Jimmy Fallon slow-dancing with Anderson Cooper, both sobbing and covered in glitter.
Seth Meyers shotgunning a La Croix while yelling, “I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE!”
Adam Sandler pulling out a ukulele and strumming an off-key ode to “Network Executives Who’ve Never Heard of Reddit.”

Paramount Global reportedly issued a panicked internal memo mid-broadcast stating:

“This was not sanctioned. We love Stephen and remain committed to laughter. Please disregard the gospel profanity. We are actively investigating the… uhm… balloon drop.”

Meanwhile, CBS tried to play damage control by tweeting, “We hear you. We love comedy. We’re exploring new formats for our late-night lineup that prioritize creativity, innovation, and less screaming.”

To which Jon Stewart immediately quote-tweeted, “Go f**k yourself. (Again.) 🎶”

Fans are calling it “the greatest unscripted late-night moment of the decade” and “revenge theatre with better vocals than Glee ever had.” Others noted the irony of The Daily Show eulogizing The Late Show while both exist under the same corporate umbrella.

As the choir exited to a mashup of “Fix You” and “F**k You” by CeeLo Green, viewers were left stunned, inspired, and unsure if they had just witnessed a revolution or a very elaborate Emmy submission.

Final Takeaway?

CBS may have canceled Colbert, but in doing so, they accidentally resurrected actual late-night chaos — and gave Jon Stewart one last shot at a Tony.

This is fictional satire for entertainment purposes only. No late-night hosts were harmed in the making of this meltdown.