Late-night comedy thrives on absurdity, and sometimes, the headlines practically write the jokes themselves. That was certainly the case when The Late Show with Stephen Colbert returned for its final season, and Colbert opened the show by tackling one of the strangest stories to dominate the long weekend: viral rumors that Donald Trump had died.

The speculation, which spread like wildfire across social media, turned out to be nothing more than baseless chatter. Still, it provided Colbert with enough material to deliver one of his sharpest monologues yet — a mix of disbelief, satire, and biting commentary that had his studio audience howling.

The Rumor That Wouldn’t Quit

Colbert began the segment with a sense of mock shock. “When I came to the office, I was shocked to learn that this weekend the biggest story was frenzied social media rumors speculating whether Donald Trump had died,” he said, pausing for the crowd’s reaction. “For the record, Donald is very much alive.”

The audience booed — playfully — prompting Colbert to add with perfect timing: “We like our presidents alive.”

It was a classic Colbert moment: defusing the absurdity with humor while keeping the crowd on his side.

Proof of Life… Sort Of

The comedian explained how the bizarre rumor had started: Trump had no public events on his schedule for three straight days. In the modern political landscape, where every move is tracked and dissected, the absence of appearances was enough to trigger speculation.

“One of the only signs that he might still be around was music in the Rose Garden,” Colbert said, referencing reports that a playlist was heard near the White House. “Which the White House confirmed was the president’s music. Which I’ve got to say is not the strongest proof of life. Yes nurse, I do see that flat line, but the patient is clearly alive because his iPhone is playing ‘Papa Loves Mambo.’”

The punchline landed perfectly, poking fun at both the rumor and the absurdity of using background music as “evidence” of a president’s vitality.

Enter J.D. Vance

Colbert then shifted his focus to J.D. Vance, who had been asked about Trump’s health during the height of the rumors. Vance’s glowing defense — insisting that the president is “incredibly good health” and stays up later than everyone else — provided Colbert with his next comedic target.

“Okay, so the president doesn’t sleep and is on the phone all night,” Colbert deadpanned. “Proof that he is completely healthy — or he runs a phone-sex line.”

He followed up with an impression, adopting Trump’s cadence to deliver a parody call: “What am I wearing? I’m wearing my baseball hat with my name on it and compression socks for my bloated cankles. Oh, they’re so plump with fluid right now!”

The audience roared, and Colbert grinned, knowing he’d landed the night’s most memorable joke.

The “Mystery Bags” Video

The monologue didn’t stop there. Colbert addressed another strange clip that had circulated online: a video showing someone tossing heavy bags out of a White House window.

“There is nothing mysterious going on at the White House,” Colbert said with mock seriousness, before adding, “Not even this completely normal video from the weekend where someone drops multiple heavy mystery bags out an upper-story window.”

The crowd laughed nervously as Colbert delivered the punch: “Today the administration cleared up exactly what was going on there. The White House official told reporters it was a contractor doing regular maintenance while the president was gone. Yes, exactly, perfectly normal in every administration. When the president’s not there, randos are let in to throw trash bags out the windows. It’s called democracy.”

It was one of those jokes that straddled the line between absurd humor and sharp critique — exactly what fans expect from Colbert.

Trump Blames AI

As if the situation weren’t strange enough, Trump himself later claimed that the viral video was AI-generated. That, of course, gave Colbert another comedic opening.

“You just blamed AI!” Colbert exclaimed. “Which means something really bad happened! Are you dead? Were you in those bags? Are you AI?”

The question, equal parts silly and sinister, encapsulated the night’s theme: the ridiculousness of both the rumors and the responses to them.

Trump Responds

The former president eventually brushed off the rumors in an exchange with Fox News’ Peter Doocy, claiming he hadn’t seen them and insisting his health was fine. “Last week, I did numerous news conferences, all successful. They went very well — like, this is going very well — and then I didn’t do any for two days and they said there must be something wrong with him. [Joe] Biden wouldn’t do them for months.”

But behind the scenes, reports suggest Trump was fully aware of the speculation. A source told Rolling Stone that “he sees everything,” while an administration official described him as “the healthiest I’ve ever seen him.” When pressed about whether those glowing statements had been dictated by Team Trump, the official abruptly hung up.

Colbert’s Final Season

For Colbert, this monologue wasn’t just a chance to poke fun at a bizarre rumor — it was a reminder of what makes The Late Show resonate. Entering his final season, Colbert seems intent on pulling no punches. Whether it’s politics, pop culture, or social media absurdities, he’s leaning into the sharp, fearless comedy that made him a late-night staple.

The Trump death rumor might not last beyond a news cycle, but Colbert’s takedown of it will. Fans tune in to see Colbert do what he does best: filter the chaos of the day through his trademark mix of wit, satire, and disbelief.

Why the Segment Hit

Several elements made Colbert’s monologue about the Trump rumors stand out:

Timeliness: The rumors were fresh and bizarre, giving Colbert an instant hook.

Physical Comedy: From mimicking Trump’s voice to acting out imaginary phone calls, Colbert kept the energy high.

Sharp Commentary: Jokes about AI, “proof of life” music, and mystery bags doubled as satire about politics, media, and modern conspiracy culture.

Final Season Edge: Knowing this is Colbert’s last run added a sense of urgency and freedom to the performance.

It wasn’t just another Trump joke — it was a reminder of how late-night comedy thrives on turning absurdity into catharsis.

The Bigger Picture

The episode also highlighted a larger truth about today’s political landscape: rumors can spread faster than facts, and comedy often does a better job cutting through the noise than official statements. Colbert didn’t need to prove whether Trump was alive or not — he just needed to point out the ridiculousness of the entire situation.

That’s the role late-night comedy plays at its best: not just entertaining audiences, but helping them make sense of a world that often feels stranger than fiction.

The Last Word

As the applause died down, Colbert left his viewers with the same mix of laughter and disbelief he’s been delivering for years. Whether Trump was “dead,” “in the bags,” or “AI” didn’t really matter. What mattered was the absurdity of the moment — and Colbert’s ability to turn that absurdity into a night of comedy that fans will remember.

With his final season underway, Colbert is proving he’s going out swinging. And if the first episode is any indication, no rumor — no matter how bizarre — will escape his late-night scalpel.