As a woman who has been through the heart-wrenching experience of betrayal, I can relate to what Megan Kerrigan is likely feeling after discovering her husband, Andy Byron, allegedly cheating with his company’s HR head, Kristin Cabot. Although my own betrayal wasn’t as publicly sensational as the kiss cam incident at the Coldplay concert, the pain of discovering an affair is a deeply personal and universal experience.

It was six years ago, almost to the day, that I found out my own husband was cheating on me. It was our fifteenth wedding anniversary, and the discovery came while we were having a family breakfast. As messages flashed up on my husband’s phone, I noticed one from a woman that seemed unusually familiar. I asked to read them, and it became painfully clear: an affair was happening. In an instant, everything I knew about my marriage shattered.

I remember the shock, the sickness, and the desperate panic that coursed through me. I was shaking with fear, overwhelmed by the weight of the discovery. It felt like the ground had been ripped from beneath me. I imagine that Megan Kerrigan, upon seeing the viral kiss cam footage of Andy and Kristin at the concert, must have experienced similar emotions. The ease with which they embraced, the implication that this wasn’t a fleeting moment, would have been a slap in the face—a cruel revelation of the betrayal she must now contend with.

Surviving the Discovery

Megan, I know that the moment you found out—whether from a phone call or through the footage—was likely one of the worst moments of your life. It’s a gut-wrenching experience to see someone you trusted so deeply caught in a compromising situation with someone else, especially when it’s so public. For me, and for many others who have experienced betrayal, the initial shock often results in a dissociation of sorts—your mind will do everything it can to protect you from the pain. That numbness is a coping mechanism. It’s okay to feel detached in those early moments, but eventually, the weight of it all will hit you.

In those first few hours, I remember being strangely rational. Even though I was crushed, my mind went into survival mode: Is this really what he wants? Can we fix this without ruining everything, including our children’s lives? My advice to you is to hold space for that rational part of your mind, but also allow yourself to feel the grief. Both will coexist, and both are part of your healing journey.

The Immediate Aftermath: Seek Help and Find Support

If you are anything like I was, Megan, you might feel utterly lost in the aftermath of this betrayal. You may find it hard to eat, sleep, or even function. If the anxiety becomes too overwhelming, don’t hesitate to see a doctor. I had to seek medication to help manage my intense panic and anxiety during that time. There is no shame in seeking help; in fact, it’s a sign of strength.

A strong support network is essential. Reach out to people who can empathize, who won’t push you toward revenge or drama, but instead offer love and understanding. Ignore those who are interested in the salacious details or want to gossip. You don’t need that energy right now. Keep your circle small, consisting only of those who genuinely care for your well-being.

Your decision to remove your surname from your social media is a wise one. It’s essential to distance yourself from the chaos that social media can create. I too found myself drawn to stalk my ex-husband’s life online, but all it did was distract me from focusing on myself and my healing. It’s easy to get caught up in the public aspect of this—especially when your personal life is making headlines—but try to focus inward. And Megan, please find a therapist as soon as possible. The sooner you begin working through the trauma, the better.

Navigating the Kids’ Emotions

One of the hardest aspects of infidelity is not just managing your own heartbreak, but also dealing with your children’s emotions. I can’t imagine the depth of confusion and hurt your children must be feeling right now. They’re likely embarrassed, angry, and profoundly shaken by the betrayal of their father. The emotional burden placed on you as the one who is both broken and responsible for managing their feelings is immense.

In my case, I found that the best approach was not to speak ill of their father in front of them. As angry as I was, I knew that if I spoke negatively about him, they would feel they needed to defend him, which would only create more confusion and emotional turmoil. Venting to friends was important, but I made sure my children were spared from the conflict. Encourage your kids to get counseling, just as I did with mine. It can be a lifeline for them in navigating this storm.

Finding Hope After Betrayal

I won’t lie—healing from an affair takes time. Infidelity doesn’t just hurt emotionally; it affects your sense of self, your trust in others, and your outlook on relationships. People often ask how long it takes to heal, but the truth is, everyone’s journey is different. For me, the crushing feeling of dread began to lift after about five months. Slowly, I started realizing that I hadn’t cried that day, or that I was no longer shaking at the thought of my ex-husband.

Eventually, with time, I found hope again. And that hope didn’t come from revenge or retribution. It came from building a new life—a life for me and my kids, one that wasn’t tainted by the betrayal. It came from understanding that while the pain would always be a part of me, it didn’t define me. You’ll get there, Megan. And as hard as it may seem now, you will emerge from this stronger, more resilient, and more capable of finding peace and happiness once again.

A Final Note

Megan, my heart goes out to you during this devastating time. The road ahead won’t be easy, but it’s one that many have walked before you. And the most important thing I can tell you is that you are not alone. There is a community of people who have been through what you’re experiencing, and we are here to support you.

Take things one day at a time, focus on your well-being, and surround yourself with people who love and care for you. The pain will eventually lessen, and you will begin to heal. As you do, you’ll realize that your strength will be more than enough to help you move forward—both for yourself and for your children. I’m sending you love and strength as you navigate this difficult chapter.