You wont believe what happened on the way to that little chapel up on the Cotswolds. Eleanor Whitaker started feeling faint her legs went weak, her vision went grey. We were supposed to slog up the narrow path to the chapel, but she just couldnt keep going.

She veered off the track, plopped down on the grass and then lay flat. My mate Mabel Carter slid her backpack under Eleanors head. A few hikers passed by, glanced at the sprawled Eleanor, and kept trudging up to the ancient chapel.

Someone offered her a pill. Eleanor halfopened her mouth, tucked it under her tongue without even asking what it was. She didnt care.

It helped a bit, but the thought of climbing the hill any further was gone. Eleanor and I headed down to the stream, then made our way back to the inn by the waters edge.

Eleanor, still in her travel clothes, flopped onto her own bed. She looked miserable and started muttering, Why has the Lord kept me from the holy chapel? Hes blocked the way, told me to step aside, let the spotless folk pass, while I a sinner lie in the road and think about my life

Come on, lets have a cuppa, yeah? Mabel said, her eyes full of concern.

Thanks, love, not right now. Maybe later, Eleanor sighed, closing her eyes.

I thought about Mabel, how shes always been a bit of a firecracker honest to a fault, a little selfabsorbed, fiercely proud. Nobody can really tame her spirit. Shes irreplaceable, even if sometimes her pillow is wet with tears. Fortyfour years of heartaches have left her drifting, like a boat tossed about on the waves.

She craves a love thats otherworldly, a burning passion that would scorch her to the core. She keeps hearing that voice in her head nagging, One husband, two kids, endless relatives, a kitchen that never stops how dull!

Look around you, Eleanor, the lads are everywhere. Taste love. Youll always go back to James, hell take you no matter what. But at least youll know what fire feels like. Stop wallowing in your familys swamp and have a bit of fun, love. You wont regret it.

I told myself I didnt want any of that drama. Truth be told, Id already had enough. Id loved Thomas to the moon and back. Fate had tangled us together for two years, a secret romance that James suspected but never said a word about. I even toyed with the idea of leaving James for Thomas. The meetings with Thomas left me trembling, heart racing, a feeling I cant even put into words.

In the end I went back to my family. Sometimes I wonder why Thomas gave me a small, endless happiness.

James the spark was long gone, but it used to make my breath catch. All thats left now is a bitter pity. Im the one to blame, drinking away the love I once had.

I never told Mabel a word about Thomas. She still thinks Im a saint, bless her heart.

And the Lord didnt let me into that chapel Im left feeling like a scoundrel.

It was hard to forget Thomas. We were like two halves of the same soul, finishing each others sentences with just a glance. I doubt Ill ever erase him from my memory everything was so wild, fierce, greedy. Its the kind of thing that only happens once in alifetime.

Do you want to do it again, Eleanor?

YES! Oh, you naughty thing, I muttered, halflaughing, halfcrying, as I pulled Mabel into a hug and asked her to pour us another tea.

In my head I could still hear that quiet voice: Sort yourself out, love. Cleanse your soul. I love you. Love yourself. And come back.