my fiance wanted an open relationship even though we were about to get married I canceled the wedding because of it two weeks ago we were two weeks away from getting married she asked me to go to therapy with her she was already seeing a therapist on her own and wanted me to go with her and have a talk before the wedding where we could be completely honest with one another that sounded a little weird to me I thought we were already completely honest with one another after all we were getting married in 2 weeks right also she was

super protective about her therapy sessions didn’t really talk about them I have never met her therapist so to be invited there all of a sudden seemed a little out of place to me the day comes and I go there but out of self-preservation I had my phone opened and recording any audio my fiance was already there I had to wait 20 minutes before I was invited in the therapist greets me and shakes my hand we have small talk she tells me I am not at all the way my fiance described me I think she is trying to compliment me then she

looks at my fiance and tells her this may be harder than we thought that absolutely weirded me out but but I am a calm and collected individual and I don’t react just kept that dumb smile on my face we all have in awkward situations so the therapist starts talking has a small speech I don’t care to repeat my fiance takes my hand as the therapist starts telling me that we live in a modern world and that my fiance wants us to have a non-conventional marriage moving forward I smile I am not sure what the hell that means through my

mind I am thinking she wants to talk how she will not be a slave to her husband she will not sacrifice her work life Etc Modern Woman and girl power and all that nope she is actually talking about how once we get married she wants to be free to sleep with other men the other non-traditional type of marriage I forgot it’s 2018 but she loves me a lot and would not be comfortable with me having the same benefits because she would be too heartbroken knowing that I find other women attractive and that one of them could steal me from her so I let

them finish talking they were very fluent and they got more confident talking probably empowered by my lack of reaction and because I wasn’t saying anything this was definitely something they have rehearsed I then asked the therapist if she is licensed this by her reaction was not what she expected to be the first thing coming out of my mouth she said yes so I told her to explain to my fiance why we will not be getting married anymore and why we will not continue being a couple starting immediately I wish them good luck and

left the office now I want to report the therapist I am not sure if I have to report her to the clinic or is there a board that supervises therapists I don’t think they’re planning an attempt to Corner me as professional conduct and I want her to pay for the misconduct that session did not sit well with me to be clear there would have been no positive outcome to this talk my fiance and the therapist had with me even if she wanted a completely open marriage where I could sleep with other women the outcome from

my part would have been the same that’s is not a marriage that is a sham it also Dons on me she might have cheated on me now that I have this Clarity of Mind certain things don’t match up so I Was a Fool anyway I listen to the recording and I still can’t believe what was said there anyway I called off the wedding I am a very easygoing guy there are no fights with me because I’m not seeking them there are no conflicts enemies because my life is guided on principle and common sense that might have given my ex the impression I will be easy to

walk over like a doormat but she is an idiot for thinking that having listened to the recording a few times I am confident the therapist recognized I am not how my fiance must have described me in their sessions hence that this may be harder than we thought now that the wedding is no longer happening people are starting to ask questions I am not comfortable answering how do I navigate this see I am sure my ex is doing damage control but I have the recording and if she goes too far off the path I will not shy letting people know what she wanted

us to talk about but my parents and family also want answers and I am not sure what B has to tell them I don’t want them to think I’m an idiot for allowing my ex to get to this point where she was so confident that she straight out told me she wants to [ __ ] other dudes she is also blowing my phone my best friend’s phone my brother’s phone we can work on this I didn’t understand what they were telling me in the therapy session she will do anything to fix this it was the therapist’s idea she was against it Etc Last Cry of a

Dying siren all her cries fall on deaf ears and I am the owner of set ears we were also working to get a loan to buy a house but I canceled everything I basically erased any ties we had financially or otherwise her current plea is that in therapy she exposed her insecurities about our sexual history I had considerably more Partners than her and the therapist came up with the idea we should level the field regardless of the truth of this that therapist gets reported once I figure figure out where to do it and what to say this post is

mostly a rant but I would also want to know how would you handle the questions of friends and family my ex is certainly doing her own damage control and I don’t want to be a he said she said I do have the recording and am wondering if I should send it to the interested parties my ex doesn’t know I have the recording small update I am at work and I just received confirmation the journal has been returned to my ex I sent it early in the morning with the Courier that our office uses and she had to sign a confirmation order that she received it

as some have recommended I came to the conclusion that reading it will not help as she never took ownership of this whole situation thank you update 1 Jokes Aside it has been an interesting two weeks since my initial post Monday last week I talked with a lawyer at work about the situation with a therapist he looked at me like I was bullshitting him and asked me if this was a prank so I asked him if he wants to hear the recording damn right was his answer I talked again with him the next day at the end of it he noted a few things I

didn’t pay attention to on the recording the therapist was always saying we think we want we talked about we decided not once did she say your ex here asked me to talk with you or your ex wants you to know or anything like that it was always we this we that he also asked me what my endgame is do I want to sue he didn’t think I personally have a case to which I agreed I never intended to sue anyway but notify the appropriate institutions and let them deal with the therapist a decision was made to write two letters

one addressed to the clinic the therapist works at and one for APA we we checked she was accredited by Wednesday there were a few more people at work aware of the situation including one of the two case researchers she dug up information about the therapist online reviews as well as the contacts for two of her previous patients the therapist didn’t have the best reviews there were people upset with her and we managed to track the two we talked with through social media they were more than happy to help once we explained the situation

and their stories were not any better than mine the letters grew a consistent size as we included the signed stories from the other two individuals as well as my own description of how my ex changed once she started the therapy sessions and a detailed description of how my meeting with the therapist went Friday last week I met with a parents her parents came to my parents house and we had the talk my ex was there too and more info was disclosed that made its way to the report on the therapist as well this week we sent the reports out

there was a reaction from the clinic they called our office on Thursday morning most probably to check if it is a prank or a real issue we talked with their lawyer or one of their lawyers over the phone and when we confirmed it was legitimate someone else was heard in the background on their end with a well crap they said they are taking this very seriously a conclusion from one of the guys at work was that they probably received other complaints before but this is the first time someone did it so well documented their letter also

mentioned we are reporting this to apa that might have turned the heat on as well hence their quick reaction I don’t know what the result of this will be and I consider my issue with it closed however having talked with the other two individuals that were treated by this therapist I sincerely hope she is at least investigated because she sounds insane and with an agenda she ruined their relationships as well one of the individuals was a woman for the record then my ex and her parents Friday last week my parents called me and asked me

to give them a visit after work when I did surprise my ex and her parents were there too my first reaction seeing their cars in my parents driveway was to flee this meeting was supposed to be on my terms but she attempted to take the Reigns to it that was not going to happen let me tell you my ex was waiting for me me outside she looked very good if there was ever a girl you’d like your parents to meet she was the image of it she told me they are here to talk with me and see if we can fix this they isn’t her parents she either never told them

what happened or she gave them a version of a story they were not buying she had a journal with her she told me she started writing in it before she began therapy and continued writing in it until that Friday morning that I should read it and it will clear out all this mess I told her this is not a book club I wanted to go inside and get the circus going but she asked me if I can give for 10 minutes she wants to talk with me for 10 minutes before I talk with her parents and she kept handing me her journal and started crying and then my

sister showed up and then my ex’s sister showed up they were already there and came out to check on us so I took her journal went inside said hello and leave my ex in the back of the garden to win as isolated portion of my parents Garden as possible they have a large garden with a lot of trees and benches she quit her job the stress was too much and she had a break down it escalated never got better she is no longer longer seeing the therapist she started seeing the therapist for work-related matters but somehow it turned into matters about our

relationship and it stayed focused on the relationship because it was the only thing the therapist seemed interested in she never told her parents why she is my ex she is seeing another therapist now I just listened she turned the discussion from her to us told me I would be in control I will be managing the finances I will receive access to all her devices I will be able to track everywhere she goes any property we will own will be in my name she will do anything I want to trust her again basically things she

said in her messages over the last weeks she enumerated more things than the ones I mentioned I don’t know how she thinks that would be a healthy life for either of us I asked her if she cheated she told me she had the opportunity to cheat but she had never I believe her but it also angered me what does she mean she had the opportunity if you are in a committed relationship you don’t put yourself in a position where you have this opportunity you don’t want this opportunity it’s like saying I had the opportunity to kill someone today why

what were you doing that there was such an opportunity why call it opportunity anyway it makes it sound like something positive that pretty much ended our 10 minutes and told her we should go and talk with our parents so we did I asked our sisters to leave us alone as it was not any of their concern what was to be discussed my sister huffed and puffed but a house made of stone survives hurricanes and she was not one well I talked and explained what happened how the therapy session went and my resolve I didn’t mention I had a recording

because I never had two my ex confirmed everything I said which surprised me her father had teary eyes and that broke my heart her mother asked her if this is how she thinks they raised her and asked for an explanation my ex basically told them the same story stress at work depression breaking down therapy therapist wanting to talk only about our relationship that the therapist told her our relationship was the root of all her stress that the therapist convinced her I want an open relationship that she might lose me if she doesn’t level her

sexual experience with me how my reaction w woke her up from her slump she quit her job is looking for something less stressful she will do anything I want to get me back started crying my ex mentioned the journal again and said if I read it it will explain everything and that she was not on board with the therapist’s ideas but she went along with them because the therapist was a person with authority and experience our parents looked at me and I told them someone’s private Journal is not the type of literature I read unless

they are a Dead Poet big [ __ ] mistake my intention was to relate that someone’s private journals usually becomes literature if they are a writer or leader and usually they are published postmortem also I was hoping they get the hint that I don’t really want to read her journal because it would be of no consequence what was done was done everyone looked at me as if I wished death on my ex you could smell the hostility in the air so I said fine fine and promised I will read her journal you win some you lose some and then you use

the wrong words and you lose a few more my ex is seeing a new therapist she showed her parents emails confirming her appointments he’s an older dude with a white beard like Freud I searched him online he is married he attends conferences he wrote A Few books they are on Amazon ha seems like a solid character can you kids work this out this was the second thing that angered me that day as if this is child play and we should just listen to the adults we are not old enough to be in control of our own feeling and we should definitely

not be the ones to decide what we consider a betrayal you can’t recover from we are just kids and we should just work it out so I won back some ground on the Dead Poet Society remark earlier and this is how the day ended we’ve known each other for 9 years and have been a couple for 5 years even if there are legitimate reasons behind her behavior how do you go back to being the same this wasn’t even a reset my way of thinking about my ex has been fundamentally changed she became a stranger I know a lot of things about

sure I still find her attractive very attractive the way she looked last Friday was amazing no denying that but it was also calculated I am not going to lie myself here hair done the way I like it dress that I bought for her the shoes I like the most I a hint of the perfume I gifted her Etc the journal is on my nightstand I haven’t read it and I probably never will I did look through it to see if it indeed is a year old and it is the way the page is folded the ink is clearly older on the first pages and you can see it progressing through the

pages the pen she used was attached to the journal and I tested it looks like the same ink and the ink level in the pen is consistent with how much I assume the pen has been used for the last year to write the journal it is not a fake everything about it is consistent with a Year’s worth of wear and tear I don’t see what good reading it will make me a tool to play with one’s mind well not Rally I don’t think a year ago when she started writing it she intended to use it as manipulation if what she told me is Right her new therapist suggested the

idea to share the journal with myself as for how I am handling people that are too curious about why the wedding is off we had a huge difference of opinion that we could not find a solution to more or less but if her sister finds out why and this is more than likely because her sister is very close to their mother everyone will will find out the real reason why our parents want us to meet again next week they told me to read the journal and maybe that helps maybe we can work on it start again fresh since we have so much history she will get

treatment she will get better she still is the same woman I fell in love with but she is not well right now they can tell I still love her or else I would not be so theatrical their words not mine I don’t think I will meet them next Friday but damn she did look amazing I would like to thank the community for the support and help it was enough to help me put together a plan of action regarding the therapist thank you to those who provided resources and information about what to do what should I do with her journal return it keep it

and read it 90 years from now update two let’s begin the therapist is no longer working for the clinic the major motivation behind the decision most probably has to have something to do with the clinic being sued someone else completely removed from my situation is suing the clinic I don’t have additional details on the matter the therapist tried to contact Mel but was unsuccessful I suspect she found out about my report on her and wanted information who knows Mel did not engage with her she was blocked and her queries

went unanswered there is a voice deep in the back of my mind that Whispers it may not have been the smartest decision to put together that report I find it introduces the chance that people behind the suit may contact me for help and shower me with unwanted attention however knowing all this I still can’t keep a very satisfied grin away from my face knowing the therapist is in trouble to those who have expressed out I have emotions if this is not proof enough I don’t know what will satisfy you and I pray to God you understand sarcasm with

murel however things are far more complicated I wrote a small update in my previous post about her journal my decision was to return it and I was very clinical in My Method The Courier we use at work delivered the journal to her that Monday morning I did include a letter explaining why I haven’t read it it all boiled down to not taking ownership of the situation I felt that by giving me the journal she washed her hands of the matter and the burden of finding answers was placed on my shoulders in return I washed my hands of

the matter honestly immediately after they notified me that the journal has been returned a feeling of regret washed Over Me Maybe I should have read it later that day Mela showed up at my workplace she didn’t make a scene nothing like that she just waited in the lobby patiently her plan was to wait for me until I finished my day and then have a talk with me naturally it didn’t take long for me to find out she was there my options were to either send her away or talk with her so we talked several Architects designed the collapse of our

relationship number one stress this I knew about but never the gravity of it in hindsight when she started looking for a therapist to help with the work stress I should have been more aware of the situation but she always maintained everything was fine so why would I not believe her therapist or not she still had a breakdown at work which she hid from me and her family number two I could have been a father she had a miscarriage she found out she was a few week weeks pregnant and wanted to make it something special when she would have

told me about it however a few days later she started bleeding and that was it she never told me about this because she was afraid I would look at her as unworthy she knows how much I want to be a father and she rationalized this would give me idea she can’t bear children this idea is utterly stupid number three friends I made no secret in the comments that we had friends in open relationships and her on such friend she contacted Mela almost a year ago and invited her to lunch she immediately started unloading the frustrations of

her failed marriage onto Mela her husband has something in common with me we both had far more Partners than our significant others in my case it was 26 previous Partners in the case of this friend’s husband the number was a whooping 70 well as soon as they got married he demanded an open relationship from his wife and she has been miserable ever since apparently the same thing was going to happen to Mela if she was not careful about me this friend told Mela I am showing the same signs as her husband before they got married number four

those we love are not who we think they are our fathers both work in Academia and knew each other for 30 to 35 years they frequently attend work related events and parties and they usually go together with their wives when I met Mela it was at such an event I went with my father because I was interested in meeting a professor that could have helped me with my career open some doors murel replaced her mother because they had a scheduling conflict and her mother could not attend or so she was told turns out her parents were going through

a very rough patch created by her father’s infidelity m only found out about this recently when she talked with her mother about the concerns raised by the friend from number three this was an obvious shock her parents were nothing but the perfect couple a model to follow they patched things up obviously and they managed to keep the illusion of a perfect marriage throughout the process Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse mix them with a therapist of dubious motivations and that’s how you end a relationship the therapist was so happy to plan my

open relationship she confirmed everything the friend said men like me will never be satisfied with one woman I will eventually look for more there is only one way to correct my cheating impulses Mela has to sleep with other men at least until we even the numbers I will of course be against it but that is fine if I love Mel I will understand this was a layered idea it will both correct my cheating Behavior it will confirm my love for her and it will strengthen our relationship as a result this plan would have obviously failed

and I think this is exactly what the therapist was looking for our relationship would of course not have survived what the therapist didn’t expect was how fast I would react at least this is my hypothesis right now the rest of the week we met on a daily basis and she answered every question I had one thing was clear as prepared to end things as I was she was the opposite ready for the fight of her life if it meant our relationship could be saved at the end of the week I had to leave to another city for work rated matters and

I was gone for a month originally it was supposed to be a 2 weeks trip but it had to be extended for another 2 weeks more billable hours haha before I left I handed Mela a copy of the therapy session recording she knew I had it it was one of the first things I talked to her about when she showed up at my workplace Monday I think listening to the recording shook her to the core what she remembered about the therapy session was very different from what was on the recording I think she finally realized where all my actions and behavior

towards her came from people at home knew about my work trip and for the next 3 weeks I was left to my own devices minimal interference from anyone it was awesome several people in the comments offered to drink a beer with me if I ever happened to be in their City I took someone up to first time I’ve met another redditor surprisingly not a weirdo haha he and his wife were wonderful people the fourth week Mela came to visit we maintained contact the previous 3 weeks going back and forth on various topics always about us one major issue had to

be sorted out after our wedding we were supposed to go visit France for 2 weeks sort of a honeymoon trip neither of us were able to do it immediately after the wedding so it was booked 3 months after the wedding and it was coming up we had the plane tickets none fundable why can companies do this we had the hotel reservations what we didn’t have was us that fourth week we talked some more and agreed to go to France anyway as friends I can already imagine eyes rolling as you read that last sentence France was

amazing you visit a country like that and realize the US is Medieval in comparison when you visit a museum you can spot the Americans immediately how to behave in foreign countries should be a mandatory course in our schools we returned from France as a couple this had nothing to do with the magic of Paris it will however be a process we are not back to our former selves there is some rebuilding to be done several things we have agreed upon in no particular order she is looking for a new job one that is less stress attached

our friends in open marriages are now deemed a toxic influence and we will no longer associate with them we both like the name Mela and our first daughter will wear this name thank you France never hide anything like a miscarriage from your partner I am monumentally pissed about this one we will get a puppy and a kitten she will continue to see her current therapist for a while when we do get married we’ll do it for us smaller ceremony just us an immediate family we’ll probably go to Italy next I suppose this is not the exciting update

everyone was waiting for many have asked for an update and if you were looking for wrath hate Revenge I am sure there is a version of this where all these and more are possible but as I said from the beginning I didn’t hate Mela my actions were nothing more than self-preservation at the time her actions indicated she wanted something that was contrary to what I thought we both agreed upon those worried about her mental state there is no concern once the vapors of her therapists influence dissipated she returned to her former self more or less

it’s impossible not to be changed by these events but she is in a very good place you will remember she offered me control over the finances to track her location at all times open access to all her devices Etc aside from the lack of interest in such a lifestyle from my part they were just a way of trying everything to continue discussion we do agree we should be open with our devices and for what it’s worth we have always been open so nothing will chance here anyway as for finances we will do what we have always done share them