My Mom Kicked Me Out For Her New Family — Then Demanded College Money For My Siblings When She Found Out I’m Successful

My mom gave birth to me at the age of 20, and my biological father was never involved. He never wanted children, she told me, and because they had only been dating for a few months when she became pregnant, she offered him the option to leave — which he did. She stated that because of the bitterness of their breakup, she had chosen not to demand child support from him, and he had also refused to pay. Never talking again was convenient for both of them.

She was fortunate to have my grandparents’ unwavering support and encouragement, which enabled her to finish her schooling and secure employment. She dated a couple men while I was younger, and she began dating Harry, a co-worker, when I was about 8 years old. Before getting married, they dated for over 3 years. Although we weren’t very close, Harry and I got along well enough to put up with each other being in the house.

When my mom became pregnant 4 years after they were married, everyone was overjoyed — including me. In retrospect, I probably should have known what was going to happen, but I was too preoccupied with the idea that my mother would always support me. I hoped mom wouldn’t leave me now, because she had endured a lot of challenges raising me by herself.

She obviously distanced herself from me after she married Harry and we began to drift apart, but I thought it was only a phase and that things would improve. During her pregnancy, I did my best to be encouraging, but she appeared to get angrier every time I was there. To avoid disturbing her, I made the decision to become scarce — but it seems that I wasn’t inconspicuous enough.

She and Harry sat me down for a serious conversation 6 months after she gave birth to twins. They informed me that they couldn’t keep me in the house since they had two children to look after. They couldn’t legally throw me out without getting in trouble because I was still a juvenile, having just turned 16. By highlighting the financial burden of providing for a big family on their meager income, they attempted to persuade me otherwise, since we had been living comfortably up until that point.

I honestly didn’t think it was hard to maintain two adults, one teenager, and two kids on the salary of two web engineers. They clearly only wanted me gone. I genuinely didn’t want to leave, so even at that point I attempted to offer ways to stop it. If money was a problem, I offered to acquire a job, but my mother said she wanted to save money and resources for the children who deserved it more. She stated that the children deserved to stay with them more than I did — not that they needed this more.

That was all it took for me to decide that I had to leave, because it was obvious that no one wanted me. They knew I had enough dignity to know I was unwanted, so they had only nudged me in the right way. After I left, without even telling me where I should go, their strategy was successful. Since they hadn’t really evicted me, it wasn’t technically an eviction — but I would still consider it to be the same.

I felt like I had no other choice after they had forced me into a difficult situation. I went straight to my grandparents’ house when I left that day. They wanted to be there for the twins, so even though they were upset about what my mother had done, they didn’t cut her off.

At 16, I obtained part-time work because I could no longer financially rely on my grandparents due to their advanced age. When my mom and Harry went to visit my grandparents with the kids, I would see them every now and then, but they seldom ever inquired about me. They tended to be very formal, as if they didn’t miss me at all.

Even when they did see me, they actually appeared to be happy without my presence. I was saddened by my mother’s apparent decrease in irritability, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it.

Until it was time to go to college, I lived with my grandparents. My mom wasn’t involved with me even then, so I had to rely on friends to assist me get settled in my dorm because my grandparents weren’t old enough or healthy enough. My mom and Harry declined, preferring to preserve money for the twins’ future, so I had to take out a student loan — and one of my relatives co-signed for it.

Fortunately, one of my uncles agreed to assist if I assured him that he would never be responsible for any of the costs. I worked while I was in college to make sure I wouldn’t fall behind on my payments and to give myself a financial advantage. My mother and I hardly spoke once I started college, and only my grandparents were present when I graduated. Not even my mother bothered to congratulate me.

In order to avoid being a burden to my elderly grandparents, I began working and lived independently after college. Although I didn’t make much money during the first few years, I was still able to pay for groceries, utilities, rent, and even started to pay off my debt while setting money up for the future.

It took a while, but I eventually rose through the ranks of my organization. Considering that I received very little assistance, I’m proud of how far I’ve gone and am now in a rather comfortable posture. Unexpectedly, my mother discovered that I earn a good living — even though we haven’t spoken for many years.

At nearly 33, I currently hold a Senior Management role at the same organization where I began my career. About four months ago, I got a big promotion, but I wanted to keep it a secret so only a select few individuals knew about it. To thank my uncle for co-signing my loan back when I was having trouble paying for college, I did inform him.

Apparently, he just met my mom and Harry at a family get-together and urged her to get in touch with me to congratulate me on my success. Even though I’m sure he meant well, it didn’t work out because she didn’t even get in touch with me to offer me congratulations.

In the end, my mother learned about it and recently visited my home with Harry, insisting on talking to me. I should note that I haven’t spoken to her since I started college. I blocked her everywhere and left her out of my life after graduating since I didn’t think there was any use in hoping she would change her mind.

Only my grandparents, who were aware that I disliked discussing my mother, were in contact with me — and they steered clear of the subject.

I didn’t really stay in touch with my uncle either, so I was unaware that my mom and Harry had been having financial difficulties for a few years. Only when they arrived at my door and told me how bad things had gotten did I find out.

It was wishful thinking, but the only reason I even allowed them inside was because I hoped they would be coming to make amends. They began by stating that they had heard from my uncle about my promotion and how I was one of the youngest individuals in such a prominent position in my firm.

Rather than congratulating me on my accomplishment, it seems that they were surprised that I had kept it from them. Ironically, I was taken aback that they expected me to communicate with them at all, much less deliver any positive news.

They were disappointed that I had shut them out of my life, claiming that it was only because they had prioritized their children above me. They maintained that I should have been old enough to comprehend their rearranged priorities and not harbor resentment as a teenager.

They said that I should have supported their decisions rather than going in with my grandparents. I’m not even sure why they thought I would agree with their choice to expel me from the house.

They tried to gaslight me into thinking that I was the bad guy for being angry that they had ejected me so they could spend time with their children alone. But that’s how they began our reunion after all these years.

They talked about how tough the past several years had been for them without even giving me a chance to explain my side of the story. They described how they had launched their own company, but regrettably it did not succeed, resulting in losses. They were now attempting to make up for previous losses and they desperately needed money as the twins were getting close to college age.

I saw then why they had come — they needed financial assistance. They didn’t waste any time, going right to the point, even trying to soften it by claiming that I could make it up to them by paying for my siblings’ schooling.

At first, they were upset that I hadn’t contacted them despite performing well. Their attempt to make it seem as though they were doing me a favor by allowing me to pay for the college education of two children I no longer knew astounded me.

I told them right away that I wouldn’t be doing that and that it was disrespectful of them to believe they could coerce me into doing so.

I became irate and reminded them that they were the reason I had to work during my college years and pay for my own education because they wanted to save for their real children who they believed deserved it more than I did.

They had refused to provide me with financial support back then. I assured them that they had no right to expect anything from me now, particularly financial support, since I had never questioned their choice to put the twins first and had just left them alone.

They actually no longer had the right to demand that I communicate with them. Instead of attempting to emotionally control me, I pointed out that they could now use the same money to pay for the twins’ college bills because they had wished to conserve money and resources for the children who deserved it.

I had nothing else to say, so I asked them to go.

I was stupid to invite them inside my house in the first place, assuming they might have come to express regret for their treatment of me. They became irritated and attempted to place the blame elsewhere. When I began to insist that they leave, they informed me that I wasn’t innocent in this case.

They said I was overenthusiastic, overinvolved, and frequently irritable while we all lived together. I was only a teenager trying to keep in touch with my family as they drifted away from me, so I couldn’t believe that was a true issue they had with me.

They then had the audacity to claim that I was no better than them since I had denied their request. They said I was forgetting all the years my mother had taken care of me and brought me up alone.

They said that this was my opportunity to make it up to her and my sister, but I was being rude and unappreciative instead.

Since I was a child at the time, I thought it was absurd that they would bring that up. Even if I had wanted to, I couldn’t have decided not to rely on them. Furthermore, it wasn’t like they were helping me — they pushed me out of the house and effectively forced me out as soon as they believed I was mature enough to manage things on my own.

For the following 18 years, they refused to acknowledge my existence. I was still shocked that they had the gall to expect me to aid them now as if I owed them something.

During the dispute, things became quite personal and ugly, and I finally threatened to call the police if they didn’t leave my property.

My mother reminded me of all the sacrifices she had made when I was younger, ostensibly because she wanted to be a good mother. Before they finally departed after more arguments, she said that I had been ungrateful — that the one time she had expected me to sympathize with her predicament and allow myself to put other people before myself, I had failed.

She now claimed that rather than the other way around, I was portraying her as the villain.

Since then, this has been bothering me, and I’m having trouble figuring out whether I’m to blame — whether I’ve been expecting too much from my mother or whether she’s simply deceiving me.

I decided to post on Reddit to get some unbiased perspectives, even though I’m quite sure I’m correct. AITA for not paying for my half-siblings’ college tuition just because my stepdad and arranged mother are having financial difficulties?

Edit / First Update:

Even though my uncle had excellent intentions, I reminded him that what he did was wrong and unacceptable. His actions undoubtedly had a negative effect. I wouldn’t be in this predicament if he hadn’t shared my life with my mother and disclosed my contact details without my consent.

He apologized excessively, stating that he was unaware of their financial difficulties and that he had no idea my mother would respond in this manner.

He admitted that he had no business telling my mother about my life and that if we had wanted to get back together, we would have done so without his help. Since his heart was in the right place, I don’t intend to cut him out of my life.

I would have been much more angry if he had meant something different. He simply made an error. In addition, it was because of him that I was initially able to attend college — he was the only person who was prepared to assume the responsibility of co-signing my loan application.

If you consider it, I might not be in this situation at all if it weren’t for him. I made sure to let him know that what he did wasn’t appropriate since I don’t want to come across as unappreciative, but I’m also not a doormat.

Whatever I did was fair enough, and I believe I found the ideal balance. We’re doing great together, and I won’t hold anything against him because I needed this resolution somehow.

Second Update:

My mother has taken it upon herself to remind me of all she did for me growing up ever since we last spoke, which was nearly 9 days ago. She probably sends me an email every other day to make me feel like I owe her something.

It’s not like she gave me a favor by raising me alone — she was legally required to take care of me, so I don’t really understand the point. She only reared me when it was convenient for her.

She and her spouse decided to expel me as soon as I started to cause them trouble, citing the need to save money for the twins in their future.

Now that we’re in the future and the twins are adults, I believe they should rely on themselves rather than wasting time trying to manipulate and guilt trip me.

Although I had been ignoring her emails, I made the decision to reply a few days ago. I explained to her all I had written in my essay. She didn’t take it well, as expected, and labeled me ungrateful once more.

I just informed her that calling me names would not alter the truth and that I no longer wanted to have any contact with her because she had been a bad mother.

I blocked her email account after that, but she made a new one to continue to annoy me. Since she’s never done the same for me, I blocked that one as well — and I’ll keep doing so until she understands that I’m not here to mope about her.

Third Update:

To be honest, I’m glad we’re finally having this discussion because I think it will end quickly, and I’ll have the necessary closure.

Only because I was still clinging to the hope that perhaps they had changed — that perhaps they were here to congratulate me and make amends — did I welcome them into my house and talk to them that day.

However, speaking with them made me realize that they are just not the type of individuals who are able to experience regret, guilt, or shame.

I’ve fully given up on ever making amends with them after it once again made me realize how self-centered and cunning they are.

I believe that my mother’s appearance at my place of employment earlier today was the most bizarre thing she has ever done.

Fortunately, I wasn’t working today, so she departed really fast and didn’t succeed in her endeavor. I was feeling a little under the weather, so I decided to take the day off, and I’m so happy I did — she would have definitely thrown a fit or done anything to make me look foolish if I’d been present.

When the receptionist called to inform me that my mom had arrived wanting to see me and refusing to go despite being informed that I wasn’t there, I learned the truth when they put her on the phone with me.

I firmly told her that I was at home, even though I was already rather anxious about what she might do. She was informed that if she attempted anything at my place of employment, I would sue her until she would be too ashamed to send her children to college.

I did my best to sound threatening, so I believe it truly frightened her. She agreed to depart right away provided I met her in person, so it must have worked. I reminded her that she couldn’t afford a lawsuit at the moment and informed her that she wasn’t in a position to be making demands.

I also mentioned that my employer would not think twice about suing her if the situation worsened — which would be a very different scenario because they wouldn’t be as forgiving as I’d been.

She’d be better off just going out in silence. I didn’t get any more calls or notifications regarding the event, so I guess she left after giving the phone back to the receptionist.

I can’t afford for this to happen again because that was undoubtedly a near call. I’ve made the decision to speak with a lawyer to find out what precautions I may take.

She hasn’t threatened me directly, so I’m not sure if this is enough to get a restraining order, but I still want to speak with the attorney to discuss my alternatives.

I just have to hope that this experience was unpleasant enough for her to think about leaving me alone till then.

Final Update:

Since I’m very certain we now have grounds for a restraining order, I suppose I don’t need to consider filing one.

When my mother arrived at my place of employment last week, I was able to persuade her to leave. However, in light of this week’s events, I believe that a restraining order against her needs to be issued for everyone.

She was waiting outside my door when I got home from work a few days ago. I informed her right away that I didn’t want to argue and that I would call the police if she didn’t leave.

She practically raced at me and threw me to the ground, sending my phone flying out of my hands as I was ready to dial. She cursed at me and blamed me for everything that had gone wrong in her life while she attempted to beat me up.

It took me a while to react since I was so taken aback by her insane conduct. However, because I consistently work out and am much younger than her, it was simple for me to overwhelm her when I did.

Fortunately, all the shouting had alerted my neighbors to the problem