Hi everyone, I’m Alba, 27F, and I’m here to share a situation with my mother-in-law, Eliza, 52F. It’s been a long road, but here goes.

So I got married to my wonderful husband, Duncan, 28M, about 5 years ago. We were high school sweethearts and we had the kind of relationship that people talk about in movies. We both had our own lives for a bit, but it didn’t take long before we found our way back to each other.

We’ve been happily married for 5 years now, and we’ve had our ups and downs like any couple. But overall, I couldn’t ask for a better partner. Duncan’s been my rock.

But as much as things are going well with him, the relationship with his parents, specifically his mom, Eliza, has never been easy. It’s not like I don’t try. I really do, but she’s always found a reason to disapprove of me. And if I’m being honest, it’s exhausting.

You see, Duncan’s parents, Eliza and his dad, Garrett, 57M, are very religious. I mean, extremely religious. They’re the type who go to church every Sunday, pray before meals, the whole deal. And look, I get it. Everyone has their beliefs, and I respect that. I just don’t share the same level of devotion.

My family isn’t religious at all. We didn’t grow up going to church, and I wasn’t raised with those kinds of traditions. It’s just not who I am. Duncan and I both agreed a while ago that we weren’t religious, but we do believe in God. We just don’t follow every little thing to the letter like Duncan’s parents do.

Whenever we go to visit Eliza and Garrett, though, we do our best to respect their beliefs. We go to church with them. We pray before meals, and we don’t make a big deal out of it. We know it’s important to them, so we just go along with it.

But it doesn’t matter how much we try to meet them halfway. Eliza always seems to find something wrong with me. Honestly, I don’t know what I did to deserve it. But ever since we got married, it’s been clear that she’s never thought I was good enough for her son.

She’s never been shy about telling me that either. For example, every time we have dinner at their house, she’ll make a comment like, “It’s a shame you didn’t follow through with your faith, Alba. Duncan was such a good boy, and I thought you’d help him stay on the right path.”

That kind of thing. And she’ll say it so casually like it’s no big deal, but it stings every time, you know? It’s like she’s saying I’m not the person Duncan should have married because I don’t share her exact views.

I’ve tried talking to Duncan about it, but he always brushes it off. He’ll say, “You know how my mom is. She doesn’t mean it like that.” And maybe he’s right, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I just don’t understand why she can’t accept me for who I am. I’m a good person, and I love Duncan with everything I have. Isn’t that enough?

But for Eliza, it seems like I’ll never be enough, and that’s really hard to deal with. Duncan and I have talked about it, and while he acknowledges that his mom can be difficult, he doesn’t think it’s something worth confronting her about. He says, “She’s just old-fashioned, Alba. She doesn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

But at this point, it’s not about whether she means to hurt me or not. It’s about the fact that it happens. It’s like she’s constantly putting me down without realizing it, and it’s starting to get to me.

However, when Eliza told us that she wanted to throw us an elaborate dinner for our fifth anniversary, I actually thought she was starting to accept me. It felt like a big step forward considering how much tension there had been in the past. She seemed genuinely excited about it, and she even asked if we’d like to invite my parents.

It felt like she was finally willing to include me in her world and maybe, just maybe, we could start building a better relationship. She even went all out with the planning. She invited about 25 other guests, mostly family members and some old friends of ours. My parents were invited, too, which I thought was nice.

Duncan’s dad, Garrett, seemed just as eager to make the evening memorable as Eliza, and I appreciated the effort. They even had a fancy caterer come in and serve a multi-course meal. The whole thing felt like a real celebration.

And for a moment, I thought we were getting past the drama and tension. It felt like maybe Eliza was trying to turn over a new leaf and show me that she was ready to let go of the past and accept me for who I am.

But then things took a turn in the worst possible way. We were all enjoying our dinner, chatting, and laughing when Eliza decided to stand up and make a toast. I didn’t think anything of it at first since she’d done that at family gatherings before.

But this time, the words that came out of her mouth made my stomach drop. She started talking about how her wonderful son, Duncan, saved me from a life of shame. I was confused at first, thinking she was going to give a nice, heartfelt speech. But no, she went on and on about how Duncan was the one who rescued me from the darkness of my past.

She started telling the entire room about how I had been influenced by the devil during my college years. I literally froze. Duncan looked at me, obviously just as shocked as I was. I couldn’t even believe what I was hearing.

Eliza was going off about how Duncan was the one who saved me from this so-called life of sin. Duncan tried to interrupt her, his face scrunched in confusion, and asked her what on earth she was talking about. He said, “Mom, what are you saying? Where’s this coming from?”

And then, as if it couldn’t get any worse, Eliza said that she had met an old friend of mine from college. She claimed this person told her that I had been taken over by the sin of lust and gluttony during my college years.

I couldn’t believe it. Lust and gluttony. Seriously, what was she even talking about? Duncan looked even more bewildered, and I just sat there completely mortified. My face must have been bright red, and I could feel everyone in the room staring at me.

I wasn’t sure if I should defend myself or just sit there and hope it would end. But Eliza didn’t stop there. She went on, making it sound like Duncan was some sort of savior who had swooped in and pulled me out of my troubled life.

She said that Duncan had saved me from making bad choices and that I was somehow lucky that he had chosen me. She mentioned how a lot of people had warned her about me before we even got married.

What does that even mean? A lot of people. I was completely stunned. Duncan was furious at this point. He stood up abruptly and asked her to stop. He said, “Mom, this isn’t funny. This isn’t what this night is about.”

But Eliza wasn’t done. She just kept going, talking about how Duncan had been too kind to marry me and how he sacrificed so much to be with someone like me. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Honestly, this whole event, which was supposed to be a celebration of our marriage, felt like a nightmare. Right at the dinner table, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I was already so embarrassed and furious about what Eliza was saying that I just snapped.

I told her straight up that she didn’t know what she was talking about. Duncan, of course, tried to calm things down. He was probably hoping that if he took her aside for a moment, things would cool off, but it didn’t work.

Eliza just kept yelling at me, calling me a SLT over and over again, telling me that Duncan should leave me. The whole room was in shock. It felt like the walls were closing in on me, and I could feel the eyes of everyone around me.

Duncan looked like he didn’t know what to do. It was such a surreal moment. I tried to defend myself, but I could barely get a word in over her screaming. And in that moment, with all that anger building up, I ended up saying something that I never thought I would.

It wasn’t planned, and I don’t even know where it came from, but I blurted it out. I told everyone about Garrett.

See, a few years ago, Garrett’s secretary filed a sexual harassment case against him. It had been settled with Garrett agreeing to pay her off, but I only found out about it a few months ago after talking to a mutual acquaintance.

I didn’t know about it before, and I certainly hadn’t said anything to anyone. But when Eliza started tearing me down in front of everyone, something inside me just snapped. I knew she knew about Garrett’s past. I didn’t have proof, but I knew she was aware of what had happened.

So, in that moment of pure frustration, I said it. At least what I had was consensual, unlike your husband.

The room went dead silent. You could have heard a pin drop. I don’t even know why I said it. It just came out in the heat of the argument.

But the look on Eliza’s face was priceless. She was shocked, absolutely stunned. She immediately snapped back, saying, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” In this defensive tone, I could see the truth in her eyes. She knew exactly what I was talking about.

The look in her eyes confirmed everything. I wasn’t just imagining things. Eliza knew about Garrett’s secret. She knew exactly what had happened. But instead of facing it, she tried to brush it off, pretending she had no idea what I was referring to, and I wasn’t having it.

I told her again, “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” That’s when she really lost it. She stormed out of the room, clearly furious, and I was left sitting there feeling a mix of guilt and satisfaction.

I never intended to go that far, but part of me felt like it was the only thing I could do to make her stop tearing me down.

Duncan, of course, was equally confused. He didn’t know about the situation with his dad. So when he came back from talking to his parents, he asked me what I was talking about.

I was still angry and in that moment I just snapped again. I didn’t want to get into the details of it with him. So I told him, “You should ask your parents.”

I didn’t think he’d react the way he did, but he seemed really upset that I brought up such a sensitive topic in front of everyone. He stormed off going after Eliza and Garrett, trying to get them to come back inside.

About an hour later, Duncan came back outside. He was mad and I could tell he was trying to hold it together, but the frustration was spilling over. He said, “Why would you bring that up in public? That’s something we should have dealt with privately. You’ve ruined everything.”

I felt terrible, but at the same time, I was still reeling from everything Eliza had said to me. I wasn’t sure if I should apologize or stand my ground. Duncan seemed to be more upset with me for exposing Garrett’s past than he was about the way his mom treated me.

Then Eliza came back to the house and she was furious. She started going off about how I had ruined the reputation she’d worked so hard to build. I could feel the weight of her words pressing down on me and I just stood there not sure what to say.

I wasn’t trying to ruin anyone’s reputation. I was just trying to defend myself, but it felt like no one understood that. Eliza kept saying how this would haunt her forever, how I had tarnished her perfect image in front of everyone. I didn’t know how to respond.

Now Duncan is really upset with me and I feel like I’ve made things worse between us. Eliza is angry and I’m sure Garrett isn’t too happy either. I don’t know if I went too far or if they deserve to be called out.

So Reddit, what do you think? Was I the a whole? Did I overstep? I feel like I need some perspective on this. Please let me know if I’m in the wrong here.

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Update One

Hi everyone. I know there’s been a lot of confusion, so I thought I would take a moment to clear things up. I know a lot of you are wondering why I never told Duncan about his dad’s past. And honestly, it’s because I had no idea how to bring it up.

I mean, how do you even start that conversation? It’s not like I was just casually hanging out one day thinking, “Oh, today’s the day I tell Duncan that his father was involved in an actual harassment case.”

And let’s be honest, it wasn’t something I ever planned to tell him. Duncan has always looked up to his dad, like most boys do, and I didn’t want to be the one to ruin that image for him. I only found out about the situation a few months ago, so I hadn’t even had enough time to process it myself, let alone figure out how to tell Duncan.

It was a huge shock when I first found out, and it took me a while to wrap my head around it. I didn’t know how to deal with it, and I definitely didn’t know how to bring it up to Duncan in a way that wouldn’t destroy his perception of his dad.

I didn’t want to be the one to shadow that image, so I kept quiet. But I understand now that keeping it a secret wasn’t the right thing to do, especially since the situation came to light in such a messy way.

I do recognize that bringing it up at the dinner table was the wrong place to do it. Looking back, I probably should have found a more private and calm moment to talk to Duncan about it, but when Eliza was tearing me down in front of everyone, I just couldn’t take it anymore.

I was being humiliated in front of the people I care about, and I felt like I had no other choice but to say something. She was calling me names, dragging my past through the mud, and completely ignoring the fact that her own husband had a much darker past.

I don’t think I could have just sat there and taken it without saying anything.

When we were driving back home after the dinner, the car was completely silent. Neither of us said a word, and honestly, it was one of the longest drives of my life. I was feeling a mix of guilt, anger, and embarrassment.

I didn’t know if Duncan was upset with me or if he was just in shock from everything that had happened. When we finally got home, I knew I had to apologize. I knew I had messed up, and I didn’t want Duncan to think that I was trying to keep secrets from him.

I sat him down and apologized for not telling him about his father’s past and for bringing it up in such a public way. Duncan listened to me and I could tell he was hurt. He said, “I just wish he would have told me before.”

It wasn’t the angry response I was expecting, but it still stung. I told him that I didn’t want to tarnish his image of his father, and that’s why I had kept quiet. But I also told him that in trying to protect him from the truth, I ended up doing the opposite.

I had embarrassed him in front of everyone, and I knew that it wasn’t the way I should have handled it. I said that I didn’t want to ruin his relationship with his dad, but in the end, that’s exactly what I had done, just in the worst way possible.

I could see the disappointment in his eyes, but he didn’t yell at me. He didn’t call me names. He just seemed hurt.

The night was still supposed to be about celebrating our anniversary, but the whole dinner had turned into a disaster. We both agreed that it wasn’t the best way to handle things, but we decided to put it behind us for the evening and just focus on being together.

We spent the rest of the night quietly, just the two of us. We didn’t talk about the argument anymore. Instead, we just shared a quiet dinner at home watching TV and trying to forget about what had happened. I think we both needed the space to process everything.

After everything that happened, I still don’t regret bringing up Garrett’s past, but I do wish I’d done it differently. I know it was wrong to expose it like that, especially in front of everyone, but I honestly felt like it was the only way to stop Eliza from completely humiliating me.

I wish there had been a better way to handle it. And I wish I could have been more honest with Duncan from the start, but it’s hard to know how to handle something like this, especially when you’re caught between trying to protect someone you love and being honest with them.

Anyway, I wanted to clear up some of the confusion and share my side of things. I’m still not sure if I did the right thing, but I’m trying to move forward. Duncan and I are okay now, but I know we still have some things to work through.

I just wanted to share my story and hear your thoughts on everything. Did I handle it wrong? What would you have done in my shoes? I’m really looking for some perspective here. Thanks for reading.

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Update Two

Hi everyone. It’s been a month since that disastrous night and honestly, I’m still trying to process everything.

Since that night, I haven’t spoken to Eliza at all. No texts, no calls, nothing. And honestly, it’s been kind of a relief. But Duncan has had a few conversations with her, mostly about his father.

I haven’t pushed him to share everything with me, but from what he’s told me, those conversations have been heavy. Apparently, Eliza finally opened up to Duncan about things she had kept hidden for years.

She told him that Garrett had cheated on her multiple times throughout their marriage, not just the one time with his secretary.

Duncan was completely blindsided by this. He had always seen his parents as a united front, even if Eliza could be overbearing. He never suspected that his father had been unfaithful, let alone multiple times.

Eliza also told him that the time when the sexual harassment case was filed was one of the lowest points in her life. She had spent years covering for Garrett, trying to protect their family’s image, pretending that everything was fine.

And hearing this, well, it changed how I saw her a little bit. Don’t get me wrong, I still think she was completely out of line for what she did to me at the dinner. But for the first time, I actually felt sorry for her.

I guess it makes sense now why she’s always been so attached to Duncan. He’s the only man in her life who hasn’t disappointed her. The only one she feels like she can truly depend on. Garrett let her down over and over again.

And instead of leaving him, she put all her energy into Duncan, making him the center of her world. It explains a lot about why she’s always been so overprotective, why she’s been so against me, and why she acts like Duncan is the only good thing she has left.

That realization didn’t make me forgive her, but it did make me understand her a little better. I still don’t think it excuses how she’s treated me, and I definitely don’t think it excuses what she said about me in front of everyone, but I can at least see where she’s coming from now.

She’s a woman who has been betrayed by the man she devoted her life to, and now she’s clinging to the one person she feels won’t betray her. It’s kind of sad when I think about it like that.

Duncan has been struggling with all of this. He’s always thought of his dad as a strong, respectable man, and now that image has been shattered. He told me he keeps replaying moments from his childhood in his head, wondering if his mom was secretly suffering the whole time.

He feels guilty for never noticing, for never realizing that his mom was carrying all this pain. And he’s angry, too. Angry that his dad did this, angry that his mom never told him, and angry that he had to find out in the most public and humiliating way possible.

As for Eliza, she hasn’t apologized to me. And honestly, I don’t think she ever will. I think in her mind, she still sees me as the problem. She’ll probably always believe that I took Duncan away from her, that I turned him away from his religion, that I’m not the right person for him.

And I’ve accepted that I don’t need her approval anymore. So, yeah, that’s where things stand now. It’s been a messy, emotional month, but I think we’re finally moving forward. Thanks for listening to my story and thanks for all the support. It really helped me through this whole thing.

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Update Three

Hello everyone. I know it’s been about 3 months since my last update, and honestly, not much happened for a while. Duncan and I have just been focusing on our own lives, trying to move past all the drama.

I was actually hoping things would stay quiet, but of course, that didn’t happen.

Last week, Eliza showed up at our house unannounced. I wasn’t sure what to expect because, like I said, I hadn’t spoken to her in months. I honestly thought she might have come to yell at me again or throw more blame my way, but she actually looked different, tired, a little lost. She didn’t even have her usual passive aggressive attitude when I opened the door. She just asked if she could come in.

Duncan and I sat with her in the living room and she told us that Garrett had left. Apparently, he wrote a note saying that he needed to figure some things out and just took off. She hadn’t heard from him since. No calls, no texts, nothing. She had no idea where he was or when he was coming back.

At first, I was honestly shocked. I mean, I didn’t think Garrett was the type to just up and leave like that. I always saw him as this arrogant, untouchable man who thought he could do whatever he wanted without consequences. But I guess even he wasn’t immune to the weight of his own actions.

Eliza was freaking out, saying she had no idea what to do. She’d called his friends, checked all their usual places, even called his work, but nobody knew anything. Duncan and I tried calling him too, but he didn’t pick up. We even asked around, but it was like he had just disappeared.

Then a few days later, Duncan’s aunt called us with some information. Turns out Garrett hadn’t gone too far. He was staying at their family’s lake house, completely isolating himself. Duncan’s aunt said he had been too ashamed to go out in public because apparently news of his past had spread through their social circles, and now he felt embarrassed to show his face.

When Eliza heard this, she immediately turned to me and started blaming me again. She said that if I had just kept my mouth shut at the dinner, none of this would have happened, that I had ruined their family, that Garrett had to run away because of me. She said that because of me, she can’t even show her face in church anymore. That because of me, people whisper when she walks by.

That her friends don’t invite her to their gatherings like they used to. That when she goes grocery shopping, she can feel the judgment from the other women in town. She said, “I humiliated her in front of the entire community, and now she’s the one who has to suffer for it.”

She went on and on about how I had ruined everything she had built, how she had spent years creating a good reputation for their family, and now all of that was gone. That people she had known for decades, people from church, old friends, neighbors were looking at her differently now.

She even said she was having trouble going to church because every time she walked in, she could feel people talking about her behind her back.

But before I could even say anything, Duncan shut her down. And let me tell you, I have never been prouder of him in my entire life.

He told her straight up that this wasn’t my fault. It was Garrett’s. That Garrett was the one who cheated. Garrett was the one who harassed his secretary. Garrett was the one who made his own choices.

And now, instead of facing the consequences, he was running away like a coward.

Duncan told her that she needed to stop looking for someone else to blame and start holding the real culprit accountable. He told her that it was unfair to put all of this on me when I was the one who had been humiliated first.

He reminded her that she was the one who stood up at that dinner and attacked me in front of everyone, bringing up things that had nothing to do with her just to tear me down, and that if she had just treated me with an ounce of respect, none of this would have happened in the first place.

Eliza was stunned. I don’t think she expected Duncan to defend me like that. Usually, she can manipulate him into seeing her side, but not this time. He was firm and he wasn’t letting her twist the situation.

After that, she got quiet. She just sat there processing everything. Then, without another word, she got up, grabbed her purse, and left.

And that’s where things stand right now. Duncan and I haven’t heard from Eliza or Garrett since then. We don’t know if Garrett is still at the lake house or if he’s planning to come back home. We don’t know if Eliza is finally starting to realize that her husband isn’t the man she pretends he is.

And honestly, I don’t really care. So yeah, that’s the latest update.